Stock Market jokes: What stock jargons ‘really’ mean LOL

James Ryan Jonas

So you aced the stock market vocabulary quiz, huh?

Are you sure you know what stock market jargons and terminologies really mean?

Read on to see how Ron Nathan of Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Mr. BearBull column put a different spin on some stock market-related terminologies.

Warning: Brain processing not required. Laugh when the need arises.

What Stock Market jargons really mean

Market correction : The day after you buy stocks

Momentum investing : Buying high and selling low

Value investing : Buying low and selling lower

Cash flow : The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

P/E ratio : The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market crashes

Bull market : A random movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

Bear market : A six- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex

Standard and Poor : Your life in a nutshell

Stock split : When your ex-wife and lawyer split all your assets between them

Happy investing!

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James Ryan Jonas teaches business management, investments, and entrepreneurship at the University of the Philippines (UP). He is also the Executive Director of UP Provident Fund Inc., managing and investing P3.2 Billion ($56.4 Million) worth of retirement funds on behalf of thousands of UP employees.