How to deal with parents and relatives who always ask for financial support?



In a society such as the Philippines that puts a high value on family and familial relationships, dole-outs to parents and, sometimes, to siblings and relatives too, are an expected — no, required — ingredient of the relationship.

Children who have managed to land a job and are already earning are, in most cases, obliged to provide financial support to their parents. This obligation in the form of financial support is expected to continue for the rest of the parents’ lives.

Dole-outs: A form of charity or tolerating mendicancy?

If the person eventually found financial comfort — that is, “nakaluwag-luwag na” — the assistance sometimes extends to siblings and other relatives too, including the uncle, aunt, cousin, niece, nephew, even the malayong kamag-anak.

The practice has its share of both supporters and critics. On the one hand, a dole-out is viewed as merely “sharing one’s blessings” or “paying it forward.” On the other, it is seen as a crippling form of aid.

What then separates the line between being charitable and tolerating mendicancy?

When dealing with dependents, when is enough enough?

Here are a few opinions from some Pinoy Money Talk members discussing this issue in the PMT Forum thread “Dealing with Dependents“.


According to PMT Forum member ekimonk:

Huwag mo paasahin sa bigay na pera ang sinumang kamag-anak mo, unless disabled sila. Hayaan mong tulungan nila ang sarili nila.

‘Ika nga: “Give a man fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man how to fish and you feed him for life.”

Ang gawin mo bilhan mo sila ng negosyo na pwede nilang i-manage o pwede mo silang magawang empleyado ng negosyo. Tapos yung income nun e mapupunta sa kanila.


According to PMT Forum member acurquia:

Sa tulad kong laki sa hirap, mahalaga ang bawat sentimo at ganyan ko pinapahalagahan ang kinikita ko dahil ako lang ang inaasahan sa amin. Ngayong may kakayahan akong tumulong, bakit di ko gawin na pag-aralin ang mga pinsan at pamangkin ko considering nag-invest ako sa kanila para makatulong sila sa magulang nila.

Siyempre habang may iba pa dyan na handang magsikap para umunlad, dapat lagi tayong nandyan para tumulong.


According to PMT Forum member suzette07:

Hindi ko sinasabing masamang tumulong, pero depende sa pagtulong. Kailangang isipin natin kung makakabuti ba ‘yung tulong natin o tinuturuan lang natin silang dumepende, umasa, maging batugan at minsan maging abusado na rin.


According to PMT Forum member diamond:

I understand what others are saying here, which is basically, the better way to help the family is to teach them how to stand on their own. But again, like most other facts of life, it is easier said than done.

Accept it or not, mahirap tiisin ang pamilya. Especially, if you are the only one who is privileged enough to finish college and earn more than the average Filipino.


According to PMT Forum member The_Businessman:

Giving till it hurts = Unconditional love

Some call it katangahan, some call it breeding laziness, some call it other names. I admire all of you who were able to rise above from all the sad, bad, terrible experiences that life presented you with.


According to PMT Forum member chubbychum35:

Up to what extent ba dapat ang pagtulong? Kung ang bawat tao ay mayroong hiya sa sarili, ang ganda sana. Kaso lang, likas na yatang makakapal ang mukha ng mga taong nasanay nang tumanggap sa biyayang galing sa iba. Ang pagtulong ay kusa mula sa taong gustong magbigay at di dapat maging obligasyon.


According to PMT Forum member mbd:

Kung mga magulang ang tutulungan, eh walang katapusan yun. Madaming sinacrifice ang mga nanay at tatay natin para maenjoy natin lahat ng meron tayo ngayon. At dahil na-bless naman tayo, di ba time naman na tayo naman ang magbigay hindi lang ng needs kundi pati ng wants nila.


According to PMT Forum member madoff:

The harsh reality is mabait ka, so they take advantage of you. Speaking from experience, dalawa kaming magkapatid na medyo maayos ang buhay na nagbibigay sa parents. Maliit lang ang bigay ko pero ang utol ko malaki (mas malakas siya kumita). Pag pumalya ako ng bigay wala akong naririnig, pero pag siya ng pumalya, mura ang inaabot nya.


According to PMT Forum member sakura:

I agree na hindi magandang tulong lang nang tulong by handing over money to relatives, dapat tulungan natin sila na matulungan ang sarili nila.

Tama rin na dapat wag kalimutan ang ihanda ang sarili natin para sa pagtanda para hindi tayo umasa sa iba na tutulungan tayo matapos natin sila matulungan. Sa case ko, nagsu-sustento ako sa magulang ko. Matagal ko na sila hinikayat mag-negosyo pero hanggang ngayon wala silang maisip. Ewan ko kung mahina lang talaga ang loob o ano. Laging sinasabi sa kin, wala na raw silang maisip na magki-click na business. Wala naman silang sinubukan.

Ngayong may asawa na ako, iniisip ko pano pag kelangan ko mag-stop sa pagta-trabaho. Alam ko iniisip din ng parents ko yun pero ewan ko lang kung gumagawa sila ng paraan. 69 na ang tatay ko at 49 naman nanay ko. Inaalagaan pa nila ang kapatid kong 8 years old.

Hindi ko na alam kung panong encouragement ang gagawin ko. Sa pagaalaga pa lang ng kapatid ko, ubos na ang oras ng nanay ko. Sa mga kapatid naman, wala akong maasahan. Nagsarili na yung isang kuya ko, yung isa naman walang makuhang maayos na trabaho. Dati siyang may trabaho pero itinakbo ang koleksyon ng compnay nya, kaya ayun, tanggal. Ngayon pasideline-sideline. Pinapaaral ko ngayon ang pangany niyang anak sa college. Ang magagawa ko lang ngayon magipon o mag-invest, pero alam ko dapat magkaron din ng sariling income ang magulang ko.


What’s your take on this issue? Is there a limit to helping parents, siblings, and relatives when it comes to providing financial support and assistance? When helping others, when is enough enough?

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