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mikoangelo · 255 · 70833

GoodSteward

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Reply #240 on: Sep 23, 2013, 10:48 PM
What does the fox say?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE

LOL...

Goodbye Gentleman, Goodbye Gangnam....hehehe


freefront

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Reply #241 on: Sep 24, 2013, 03:52 AM
^talk about not taking yourself too seriously. That was so weird in so many levels.... HUH?!?


GoodSteward

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Reply #242 on: Sep 24, 2013, 09:40 AM
^Its like nursery rhyme lyrics con pop con catchy tunes hehe...

----
PO1 : Sir bakit po K9 ang tawag sa aso natin?
Major : Bobo! Syempre kung tinawag mo silang K10, di na sila aso...
PO1: Eh ano na po?
Major: Maliit na cat na sila!


mikoangelo

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Reply #243 on: Oct 20, 2013, 10:12 AM


mikoangelo

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Reply #244 on: Oct 20, 2013, 10:45 AM
Erap/Jinggoy

Jinggoy: ang ganda ng sasakyan oh, siguro kay Mayor yan

Erap: hindi kay Mayor yan no!

Jinggoy: ah, kay warden!

Erap: hindi kay warden yan, kay father yan, d mo ba nahalata sa likuran, SaFari…

--

Erap : ” Luv, alam mo ikaw lang ang naiikama ko ”

Loi : Sweet mo naman luv!

Erap : Oo, kasi, yung iba, sa CR, Sala, Kusina at kung saan saan pa!

---

A big city London lawyer went duck hunting in rural Scotland. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied. “This is my property, and your not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer replied. “I’m one of the best trial lawyers in the UK, and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything that you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Scotland. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Scottish Three Kick Rule.”

The lawyer asked, “What is the Scottish Three Kick Rule?”

The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up.”

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the city fella. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin, which dropped him to his knees.

His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.

The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn’t.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old tosser, now it’s my turn.”

The old farmer smiled and said,

“Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!”

---

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole – killing them both instantly.

The couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he’ll get back with them on that request.

A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can, in fact, get married in Heaven. To his surprise, the woman asks, “Just wondering, if things don’t work out will we be able to get a divorce?”

With a stern look in his eye, St. Peter blurts out “Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up here… you really think I’m gonna find a lawyer?”

---



A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked ”How much is 2 plus 2?”

The housewife replies: ”Four!”

The accountant says: ”I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.”

The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, ”How much do you want it to be?”

---

A duck walks into a bar and asks: “Got any Bread?”

Bartender says: “No.”

Duck says: “Got any bread?”

Bartender says: “No.”

Duck says: “Got any bread?”

Bartender says: “No, we have no bread.”

Duck says: “Got any bread?”

Bartender says: “No, we haven’t got any bread!”

Duck says: “Got any bread?”

Bartender says: “No, are you deaf?! We haven’t got any bread, and if you ask me again and I’ll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!”

Duck says: “Got any nails?”

Bartender says: “No”

Duck says: “Got any bread?

---


An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: ‘Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . Please advise .’

The old man faxed back: ‘Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.’

--

After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’

‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.’

‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

‘Who’s going to tell?’ says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his
decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember, the Pope is
German.)

‘Please slow down, Your Holiness!’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

‘Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license –and my job!’ moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to
his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 205 kph.

‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.

‘I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,’ said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,’ All the more reason!’

‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘ A senator?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘The Prime Minister?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘who is it?’

Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it’s God?’

Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!’



mikoangelo

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Reply #245 on: Oct 27, 2013, 09:21 AM
How Would You Know You Are At A Filipino Party?

You're an hour late and there's still nobody there! There’s enough food to feed the Philippines.

You can't even get through the door because there's a pile of 50 shoes blocking the way.

You see a huge fork and spoon on the wall, a framed picture of the Last Supper, a huge Santo Nino,and a barrel man.

They're singing "Peelings" on karaoke.

There's a piano in the living room for decoration.

You are greeted by a Tita Baby and/or a Tito Boy.

The older men are in the garage playing posoy-dos, or poker or 31, the women are in the kitchen gossiping, or are playing mahjong,the other people are in the entertainment room singing karaoke, and the kids are outside the streets running around unsupervised.

There's goat 'pulutan' beeing cooked.

There's a crazy woman with a camera going around the room snapping away and yelling, "Uy peeeek-chuuur!"

You enter a family party and you "Mano" to half the old crowd and when you leave you have to say goodbye to EVERYONE that's related to you as a sign of respect. You end up saying hello and goodbye for a total of 30-40 minutes.

You know you're at a Filipino party when you hear a male's voice on the karaoke trying to emulate Frank Sinatra's "My Way."

Women are still doing the line dance to "todo todo"

When there's at least one or more with the name : JP,JJ, JT,TJ,DJ,AJ, RJ,LJ, Lingling, Bingbing, Tingting, Dingding, Wengweng, Bongbong, Dongdong etc.

All the old aunties and guests are already wrapping up food to take home.

You have the Pacquiao fight on the illegal cable boxes on the 70" LCD in the movie room,

The 10 yrs old 50" CRT in the living room,

The 15 yrs old 30" tube in the breakfast nook,

The 20 yrs old 15" tube in the kitchen,

The 30 yrs old 13" tube in the garage

And the Little portable by the BBQ grill,Because TVs are NEVER retired in a Filipino household, they merely get demoted to whichever room doesn't have a TV yet(hahaha),then it ends up in the balikbayan box to be sent to a relative back home, and it ends up being the main TV at the house again.

The aunties & guests are showing off their "designer" Louis Vuitton and Coach bags that they secretly bought at a swap-meet . .

Someone is always in the kitchen constantly cleaning up, and you're not sure if she's the maid or a relative, so you greet and kiss them on the cheek anyway.

Relatives/friends will ask you where you work and if it's a retail job or if you work at an amusement park, they'll ask if you can get them a discount.

The lumpia is gone in 5 minutes and they are frying up another batch.

They play achy-breaky heart over and over again.


---

:

A guy in plane stood up n shouted “HIJACK!”

All passengers got scared n raised their Hands
.
.
.
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from other end Of the plane a guy shouted back . .
.
.
.
“Hi JOHN”    :hihi:

---

SOME CRAZY FACTS

SCHOOL: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

STUDENT: someone who knows little of everything.

LECTURE: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

LIFE INSURANCE: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so. that you can die Rich.

NURSE: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

MARRIAGE: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

DIVORCE: Future tense of Marriage.


CONFERENCE ROOM : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

COMPROMISE : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

DICTIONARY : A place where success comes before work.

FATHER: A banker provided by nature.

CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

POLITICIAN : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

DOCTOR : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

SMILE : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

YAWN: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

.
EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their mistakes

E.T.C .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do..........

---

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E.

One boy says: “Elephant.”

Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T.

The same boys says: “Two elephants.”

The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior.

After that she asks for an animal beginning with M.

The boy shouts from the other side of the door:

“Maybe an elephant!”

---


mikoangelo

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Reply #246 on: Oct 28, 2013, 08:59 AM
Two Women were chatting in office..

Woman 1:"I had a fine evening, how was yours.. ??

Woman 2:"It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??

Woman 1:"Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he

lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..

Husband 1:"How was your evening.. ??

Husband 2:"Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.

What about you ??

Husband 1:"It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for

dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there

was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!


mikoangelo

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Reply #247 on: Nov 01, 2013, 08:03 PM
JUAN: Last month,ipinakilala ko ang GF ko sa lolo kong milyonaryo!

PEDRO: Anong nangyari? Boto ba ang lolo mo?

JUAN: Oo!LOLA ko na siya ngayon!

---

 TATAY: Aba himala! 1 oras ka lang nagbabad sa telepono! Dati-dati 6 na oras! Sino ba yung kausap mo?

JUAN: Ewan ko po tay, WRONG NUMBER lang!

---
NANAY: TumigiL ka sa pagboboyfriend na yan! walang mangyayari sa inyo!

ANAK: weh? ba't kagabi meron?!

---

JUAN: Tuwing magdadala ako ng GF s bahay,di nagugustuhan ni inay!

PEDRO:Mgdala ka ng kamukha ng inay mo!

JUAN: Natry ko na,ayaw naman ni itay!

---
MRS: Hello, please send a MAINTENANCE personnel, ang mister ko tatalon sa bintana! Bilis!

ADMIN: Mam bakit po maintenance?

MRS: Eh ayaw MABUKSAN ng bintana!

---






mikoangelo

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Reply #248 on: Jan 22, 2014, 09:20 AM
Did you hear about the guy who was in the bar and about as drunk as its possible to get?   A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home. First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.

He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.   His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, “We brought your husband home”.   The wife asks, “Where’s his wheelchair?” 

---

Overheard in an inflight PA system

s you exit the plane, make sure to gather all ur belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.

---
ANAK: ; Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW NG

TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama?

INA: Sabihin mo sa ma’am mo, ang AMA ang taga-PUNDI NG ILAW!

---
 :zzz:


freefront

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Reply #249 on: Jan 22, 2014, 11:10 AM
^may VIN ba ang mga wheelchair?  :hihi:


gadrian29

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Reply #250 on: Feb 18, 2014, 03:44 PM
PROBINSYANA

GIRL:manong tulungan nyo naman po ako.

MANONG:bakit?

GIRL:nawawala po kasi yung tatay ko eh.Galing kaming probinsya.

MANONG:hhmm..sige pero sumama ka muna skin.

(sumama ang girl sa motel).

MANONG: hubarin mo itong short ko.

GIRL: sige po....

MANONG: hawakan mo ARI ko tapos ilapit mu ung bibig mo.

GIRL: ganito po?

MANONG: Oo, alam mo na gagawain mo?

GIRL: Oh po!

MANONG: ge..gawin mo na!

Hinawakan ng babae ari sabay sabi..
.
.
.
.
.
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GIRL: NANANAWAGAN PO KO SA TATAY KO! KUNG NASAN KA MAN TAY UMUWI KA!
- See more at: http://www.jokestagalog.com/


mikoangelo

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Reply #251 on: Mar 05, 2014, 09:34 AM


Prospera

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Reply #252 on: Mar 05, 2014, 11:15 AM
^Wahaha! I bet if you guys also had a secretary who monitored your online activities, she'd discover you spend more hours on COL and PMT than you do on work-related stuff...Sino na nga  ang nagsabing istorbo ang trabaho sa trading?:-D
« Last Edit: Mar 05, 2014, 07:20 PM by Prospera »


grayback_01

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Reply #253 on: Mar 12, 2014, 10:06 AM
Wow! nakakaaliw ang mga post dito.
Pangtanggal umay talaga. :cool2:


grayback_01

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Reply #254 on: Mar 12, 2014, 10:28 AM
Good Morning Guys!

Sharing you this joke that may somehow lighten up your day  :D

Once a priest bored by his daily routine and confused of his faith decided to become a hunter instead; As years go by, he experienced much delight in killing wild animals in the jungle for self-worth.
But one day, while he haggles in the bushes looking for fresh kill, a hungry adult male lion suddenly grabbed him heavily by surprised. Thinking of his end, he closed his eyes and waited for the said lion to devour him.
Few minutes later, he opened his eyes and saw the lion looked up the sky and do the sign of the Cross. The hunter murmured in delight to himself “how lucky I am to be caught by a Catholic-natured creature like this that doesn’t eat people as it is should”.

But the lion grinned & said in reply, “HUSH, BE QUIET, I'M JUST PRAYING BEFORE EATING!”  :hello:  :applause:




 


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