Author Topic: Jok onli.. gamot sa mga homesick na OFW (Read 50158 times)

kithe · « **Reply #585 on:** Jul 06, 2012, 12:21 AM »

=======

Boy: Miss may titulo ka ba?
Girl: wala bakit?
Boy: tingin ko kasi pag-aari kita
Girl: how sweet? ilang pages ka ba?
Boy: (naconfuse) bakit?
Girl: ang mukha mo kapal kasi!!!!

=======

sa buhay ko daming dumaan...
problema, pagsubok,kawalan...
"pero ng dumaan ka"
natawa ako kasi

pabango mo SURF!!! Wais ka talaga...

======

here's a secret code of Andal Ampatuan Jr which was decoded by NBI

X35 P33N I

H73N07 05 W, I

35V37d 3W d73H

Turn your phone upside down to read

======

Lord ingatan at ilayo sa disgrasya
ang Cute na nagbabasa nito at
sana kung magkita kami hindi siya
magbago at tanggapin niya na...

Mas Cute ako...

======

Which part of a man's body that

has no bone

full of veins

pumps liquid

and responsible for

making Love?

Ans:

Heart

But i love the way you think

======

Darating ang araw!!!!

anu hinahanap mo?

ung araw? bukas pa po yun.. matulog ka po muna..

gandang gabi

======

may dalawang magkapatid, si malaki at si maliit... sumulat si malaki sa kanyang tatay..

Dear Tatay,
ibili nyo po kame ng isang dosenang itlog at isang kilong baboy
ang inyong anak... malaki

inutusan ni malaki si maliit na ihatid ang sulat sa post office
habang naglalakad napaaway si maliit at ang sulat ay nagkapunit punit
binuo ang sulat sa pamamagitan ng tape ng mabasa ng ama

Dear Baboy,
ibili nyo po kami ng isang dosenang anak at isang
kilong tatay.
ang inyong itlog... malaki

======

Sad story of the day..

Nakita ni pedro ang mga nagkukumpulang tao
may naaksidente dahil sa kagustuhan makita ni pedro
ang namatay gumawa siya ng eksena para tumabi
ang mga tao..

"tumabi kayo.. thats my brother..."

nagsitabi ang mga tao hanggang makita ni pedro ang
naaksidente..

isang kawawa at duguang Unggoy... kawawa

=====

One day i saw you crying in the rain...
i came over you and you said...

"leave me alone!!! i want to be alone..."

i laugh and said,

"oh bakit? dadaan lang ako!!! pakialam ko sau!!!"

======

bajoyjoy · « **Reply #586 on:** Jul 06, 2012, 09:32 AM »

liked the last one!

tarayness!

Prospera · « **Reply #587 on:** Jul 06, 2012, 10:02 AM »

Me understudy na si miko. And it's a she! :-)

mikoangelo · « **Reply #588 on:** Jul 06, 2012, 10:30 AM »

Quote from: Prospera on Jul 06, 2012, 10:02 AM

Me understudy na si miko. And it's a she! :-)

Finally,meron ng regular poster sa joke onli and inspirational thread....

I think Im in love na...

Keep it up kithe

---

A teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

--

bauer · « **Reply #589 on:** Jul 06, 2012, 11:04 PM »

^ siguro babae din ang teacher.

mikoangelo, nahihirapan ka ba sa buhay may-asawa? (don't answer if you feel it's not appropriate).

kithe · « **Reply #590 on:** Jul 06, 2012, 11:29 PM »

tatay: anak!! ano itong F sa card mo ha!!
anak: (nag-iisip) tatay Fasado po ibig sabihin niyan
tatay: Ahh.. akala ko Ferfect!!

=====

anak: Tatay, ano po yung SEX
Tatay: ang sex ay pagtatalik sa tagalog. Isang ritwal na ginagawa pagkatapos ikasal.
Magtatabi ang dalawang nagmamahalan hangang sa sukdulang ligaya na magbubunga sa nilalang
na gaya mo.

anak: Ay!!! hindi na kasaya sa BioData ko.

Haha..

=====

fm_cap · « **Reply #591 on:** Jul 07, 2012, 03:20 AM »

Play Diablo 3 hanggang sa last stage then play again.

freefront · « **Reply #592 on:** Jul 07, 2012, 03:28 AM »

si kithe parang mikaylaangela ( that would be high praise sweetie)

kithe · « **Reply #593 on:** Jul 07, 2012, 09:15 AM »

Haha. Ano daw?

Post Merge: Jul 07, 2012, 09:42 AM

Magpapabunot ng ngipin..

pumunta sa dentista si pedro.......sabi nya....Dok talagang sobra na sakit ng ngipin ko bunutin nyo na ho....

sabi ng dentista....cge upo.....ng makita ni pedro na iinjectionan na sya....sabi nya dok ..duwag ho ako sa injection ,,takot po ako dyan....ah madali yan sabi ng dentista...me ipapainom ako sayo tatapang ka mawawala ang takot mo sa injection....eto inumin mo...sabi ni pedro Dok pwede dalawahin ko na para sigurado...sabi ng doktor cge wala naman overdose to eh....uminom si pedro...antayin natin mga kinse minutos tatalab na yang ininom mo........pagkalipas ng 15 minutos...
sabi ng doktor ke pedro ano matapang ka na ba tumalab ba yung gamot na ininom mo wala na ba takot mo....
si pedro....oo dok...tumalab na...kaya subukan nilang galawin ang ngipin ko sasabog ang panga nila..

mikoangelo · « **Reply #594 on:** Jul 07, 2012, 09:54 AM »

Quote from: bauer on Jul 06, 2012, 11:04 PM

mikoangelo, nahihirapan ka ba sa buhay may-asawa? (don't answer if you feel it's not appropriate).

banat ba yan o serious question??

Quote from: freefront on Jul 07, 2012, 03:28 AM

si kithe parang mikaylaangela ( that would be high praise sweetie)

Quote from: kithe on Jul 07, 2012, 09:15 AM

Haha. Ano daw?

Ibig niyang sabihin di tayo tao....

Bagay tayo....

---

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am
sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll
get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted

---

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added,

"that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
--

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:

"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:

"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:

"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

bauer · « **Reply #595 on:** Jul 07, 2012, 11:01 AM »

Quote from: mikoangelo on Jul 07, 2012, 09:54 AM

banat ba yan o serious question??

di banat, di rin serious. just a reply sa joke mo na feminine or masculine ang 'computer'.

kithe · « **Reply #596 on:** Jul 08, 2012, 06:44 PM »

May 7 baboy sa 1 box..
may 23 pairs na pato at isang pusa...
ang isang pato ay nakakain ng 56 na uod...
tapos may 5 langam..

Relax!!! walang tanong..

Magandang gabi..

bloomerman · « **Reply #597 on:** Jul 09, 2012, 07:26 PM »

Eto ang mangyayari sa GRADUATES na hirap makakuha ng trabaho…
ENGINEERING: karpintero
EDUCATION: magtuturo sa day care center
CRIMINOLOGY: tanod
MEDICINE: albularyo
IT: bantay sa computer shop
MATH: scorer sa liga
FINE ARTS: pintor ng bakod
PSYCHOLOGY: manghuhula
TOURISM: driver
MASSCOM: bugaw
NURSING: yaya
MIDWIFERY: abortionist
MEDTECH: drug pusher
HRM: fishball vendor
ACCOUNTANCY: kubrador sa jueteng

***

Ang paglimot sa taong minamahal ay parang paggawa ng ASSIGNMENT.
Kung hindi lang talaga kailangan, hindi mo gagawin.

***
Lahat ng nahuhulog… nababasag?!
Try mong mahulog sa mahal ko… basag ‘yang mukha mo!

***
BOY: Pengeng papel!
GIRL: (nag-abot ng yellow pad)
BOY: Ayoko nito!
GIRL: Ano ba ang gusto mo?
BOY: Papel sa buhay mo!

***
BOY: Alam mo bang ang ganda mo ay parang password?
GIRL: Bakit naman?
BOY: Kasi, ikaw lang ang nakakaalam!
GIRL: Utot mong blue!
BOY: Ha! Ha! Ha! Pikon![Rick ng Mandaluyong,

***
ANAK: Tatay, paano po ba magmahal?
TATAY: Anak, doon mo itanong sa nanay mo.
ANAK: Bakit po kay nanay pa?
TATAY: Kasi, ang nanay mo ang nagturo sa aking magmahal!

***
BOSS: Simo, hindi ko nagustuhan itong mga langgam sa kape ko.
SIMO: Boss, ituro mo lang ang hindi mo nagustuhan at aalisin ko!

***
1, 2, 3… Handa… AWIT!
Sampung mga abnormal, wala ang isa!
Hanapin mo! Hanapin mo!
Kumakanta pala!

***
PERA ka ba?
Naghihirap kasi ako kapag wala ka.

***
Huwag ka namang laging ngumiti.
Ang hirap kaya na kiligin palagi!

***
Porke ba maraming cellphone, MAYAMAN na?
Di ba pwedeng… holdaper pala?!

***
Alam mo ba kung saan ang kiliti ko?
Hindi mo talaga mahahanap… dahil nandiyan sa mga ngiti mo!

***
Minsan, hindi natin kailangang malaman kung saan masakit.
Dahil mata pa lang, nakikita na.

kithe · « **Reply #598 on:** Jul 09, 2012, 07:38 PM »

ERAP SA RESTAURANT

WAITER:sir what is your order?

ERAP:isa ngang FISH PILET..

WAITER:sir baka po FISH FILLET (PILEY)

ERAP:ah yun ba ang tawag dun. sige bigyan mo ko ng isa..

pagkaraan ng ilang minuto..

ERAP:waiter. magkano ang bill ko?

WAITER:P1,500 po sir.

ERAP:ok..wait lang nakalimutan ko yun pera ko sa may kotse, tinawag ang Driver!..

DRIVER:yes sir?

ERAP:pakikuha nga yung WALEY ko (WALLET) sa may kotse...

bloomerman · « **Reply #599 on:** Jul 09, 2012, 07:59 PM »

Sana, MATH na lang ako…
Para kahit BAD TRIP ka na sa akin… pinipilit mo pa rin akong intindihin!

***
Marunong ka ba sa ALGEBRA?
Can you substitute my X?

***
Sa buhay, hindi mahalaga kung anong meron ka at kung ano ang narating mo.
Ang mahalaga ay may alak na mura… may tunay na tropa…
At may dyowa kang pwedeng ikama.

***
Magmahal? Oo. Nagawa ko na.
Magpakatanga? Oo. Nasubukan ko na.
Umiyak? Oo. Ilang beses na.
Sumuko? Hindi pa.
Bakit ako susuko?
Mukha ba akong WANTED?!

***
CHARGER ka ba?
Ikaw kasi ang power supply ng puso ko!

***
YELO ka ba?
Nilalamig kasi ako pag katabi kita!

***
Kung ang mama mo, Type A… Ang papa mo, Type B…
Ang ate mo, Type AB… Ang kuya mo, type O…
Ikaw naman… Type KO!

***
Aminado akong hindi lahat ng gusto ko, nakukuha ko.
Pero may isang bagay na PROUD ako.
Kasi… hindi rin lahat ng nagkakagusto sa akin eh nakukuha ako!

***
PAUTANG naman, o! Kailangang-kailangan ko lang!
Please…?
Kahit 1 box of kisses, 12 kilos of hugs, 10 dozens of care and 1 million bottles of LOVE…
Babayaran ko, promise!

***
Sabi nila, BALIW ako… pero hindi ‘yan totoo.
Kasalanan ko bang mapangiti ako pag ikaw ang nasa isip ko?