[mikoangelo]

Song Title Tagalog Translation

Break It To Me Gently – Dahan-dahan Lang Please, Masakit!

Sometimes When We Touch - Minsan Kapag Tayo’y Naghihipuan

You Should Know By Now - Alam Mo Na Dapat Yun, Yun na yun!

Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know - Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga!

King And Queen Of Hearts – Hari at Reyna ng Tong-its at Pusoy

Stairway To Heaven - Mula Paa Hanggang Singit
 
When You Say Nothing At All – Nang Siya Ay Natameme

Can’t Be With You Tonight – Nasa Number 2 Ako
 
Three Times A Lady – Bakla, Bading at Juding
 
How Deep Is Your Love - Gaano Kalalim ang Maabot Mo

More Than A Woman – Pwedeng Tomboy, Pwedeng Shukla (as in nakasukang bakla)

Power Of Love – Buntis

You Can Do Magic – Maniwala Ka Kay Belo
 
Upside Down – Baliktaran
 
Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Maitim Ang Puso

Through The Years – Sobrang ang Tagal Na!

The One That You Love – Ang Karibal Ko

The Journey – Ang Paglalayas

I Just Called To Say I Love You – Mayaman Ako, Madami Akong Load

Somewhere Out There – Nadoon Lang Sa Tabi-Tabi

Somewhere Down The Road – Nadoon Lang sa Kanto

Making Love Out of Nothing At All – Wala Lang Trip Ko Lang

Careless Whisper -  Katrina Halili Scandal

Lucky– Anak ni Vilma Santos at Edu Manzano

High – Bangag/Lakas Tama

Poker Face – Mukhang Baraha

It’s My Life – Walang Paki-alamanan

Top of the World– Nasa Tuktok ng Mount Everest

Half Life – Na paralyze ang kahalating katawan

Tell Me Where It Hurts – Saan Ang Masakit? wehhh,virgin ka?

Torn – Warat/Wasak

A Thousand Miles – Sobrang Layo…

Beauty and the Beast– Ako at Ikaw

Beauty and Madness  – Ako at Ikaw Pa Rin Yan

[mikoangelo]

 Ang tawag sa maraming kulangot...
 ay sobrangot.

---
Ang "saksakan ng gwapo"
ay iba sa "saksakin ang gwapo."
---

Kung ang kumakain lang ng vegetables ay vegetarian,
ang kumakain lang ng saging ay sagitarian.

---
Bakit daw takot ang mga babaeng pasahero ng jeep na bumaba sa Kanto Tinio St.?

Kasi ang sasabihin ng Driver:

O yung mga bababa, Kanto Tinio na

---
An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown interest in his paintings.

"I've got good news and bad news," she said. "The good news is that some guy inquired if it would appreciate in value after you died.

When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"And the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor."

[SirZap]

Kung ang kumakain lang ng vegetables ay vegetarian,
ang kumakain lang ng saging ay sagitarian.

eh paano humanitarian? ano kinakain?

[mikoangelo]

^relief goods??

A man decided to go on a safari. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dogstarts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Oh Boy, I'm in danger now."  Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"  Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.

"Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks," What am I going to do now?"

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"

[mikoangelo]

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old
farmer for $100.  The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.  The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad  news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that.  I went and spent it already."
Kenny said, "OK then, at least give me the donkey."
The farmer said, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can.  Watch me.  I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with
that dead donkey?"
Kenny,  "I raffled him off.  I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and
made a profit of $898."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, "Just the guy who won.  So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.

---
Teacher: Nasaan homework mo?

Juan: Edi nasa home. Kaya nga tinawag na HOMEwork e. Pag dinala ko yun dito edi magiging SCHOOLwork na! Konting utak naman dyan ma’am! Badtrip eh

[mikoangelo]

TEACHER: Class isalin ito sa wikang ingles.

"SINGSING NG TATL0NG HARI"

Sumagot si juan..

JUAN: Ma'am..
"A RING KING KING KING"

---
JUAN: Ano ba t0ng jeep niyo, bulok na nga FLAT pa!

DRIVER: E maraming karga e..

Yang il0ng mo nga flat, KULANG0T lang ang dala..

---

ang SEX parang BILLiARD
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.ipasok mo na lahat
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.WAG LANG YUNG PUTI

   

[cutechay]

censored  .. hahaha 

[mjtfernandez]

^^^ Hahaha Nice one sir!

[mikoangelo]

Random Chuck Norris facts?

In his spare time, Chuck Norris breeds thoroughbred horses by manually inseminating the females with his own semen.

Ask not what Chuck Norris will do for a Klondike bar, ask what the Klondike bar will do for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man.

They say the banks control the country.  The Fed controls the banks.  The Rothchilds control the Fed.  And Chuck Norris controls it all.

When Chuck Norris' life ends, he didn't actually die... He just took gods place

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

There is no life on mars cause chuck norris has already been there.

God said let there be light and chuck norris replied " say please "

Ever wonder what happened to that guy from the old spice commercial? chuck norris happened, again.

Chuck norris actually lives in the bermuda triangle, but don't spread the word. Hes the reason why people go missing.

Chuck norris wears white to a funeral, why? no one has lived to tell the tale.Helen keler's favourite colour is chuck norris..

[joconcepcion]

dOC : BAKit mo sinapak yung katabi mo kanina?

Pesyente: Doc ninerbiyos na ko sa resulta ng HIV test ko, tapos sasabihin niya na thing POSITIVE PARE!

[aris1925]

Boy: Gusto mo ng nagaraya? Ang sarap oh.

Girl: Salamat na lang. Pinipimples kasi ako sa mani e.

Boy: Ayy, ganun? Ako kasi sa mukha lang pinipimples e.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[mikoangelo]

"Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!"
- Talong

"Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!"
- Putok

"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"
- Lego


"Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'y iyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!"
- Popcorn

"Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!"
- Singit

"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!"
- Utot


"Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!"
- Pigsa


"Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo.Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!"
- Aircon


"Pagod na akong humawak ng balls mo! Pagod narin ako sa pagbihis-hubad mo sa akin. Malapit na naman ulit! Ayoko na!!!"
- Christmas Tree.


"I ikspik that it will be a long payt, a good payt, But you know, I didn't ikspik. Tinks por da God, you know, and tinks por ol da pelepeno pipo!"
Manny Pacquiao.


"You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me away just like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full of sh*t!"
- Tissue

"Hindi llahat ng kulot, salot!"
- Golddilocks

"Hindi lahat ng bubuyog, kulay itim!"
- Jollibee

"Alam kong sa tingin mo, masaya ako! Pero bakit kayo ganyan?! Sa tuwing wala na kayong masabi, ako na lang ang ginagamit nyo! Pagod na pagod ako sa pagngiti!"
- Smiley

"You can cry all you want, you could always blame me. You said, it wasn't fair that you just want life to be better. But remember, it's all your fault! You stabbed me with a knife!"
- Sibuyas

"Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo.
Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo. Nag mamahal,"
- Ice Candy

"Bakit ayaw nyo pa rin sa akin kahit sosyal at maganda ako? Dahil ba mas sweet ang iba?".
- Fruitcake

"Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!".
- Panty

"Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!"
- winnie d' pooh

"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo. Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo".
- ipis

"Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa- pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."
- Bola

"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka, mahirap ka ba talagang makontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?
- TV

"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

"Anung kasalanan ko sa iyo, iniwan mo na lang akong duguan..."
-Sanitary Napkin

"Hwag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot

"Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali, gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!"
-Brief

"Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!
-deodorant

[mikoangelo]

What is inner row??

Inner Row is that which comes before

Pibrerow
Marsow
Abril
Mayow...
---
Ayon sa China:

Bawal na nating gamitin ang term na Lumpiang Shanghai. Palitan daw ito ng Lumpiang Mandaluyong o kung ano mang lugar sa Pinas dahil kanila lugar na binabangit sa nasabing pagkain.

Bawal na ding gamitin ang term na Check-in. Dahil pagbinaliktad ito ay magiging Incheck. Sila daw yun.

Bawal na maging singkit. Pag-aari din daw nila ang nasabing characteristic ng mata. Kung sakaling masilaw ka ng araw, idilat mo lang. Bahala na mabulag.

Bawal na ding maglaro ang mga bata ng Chinese garter.

---
Juan called on a FM Radio station and said:

Juan: "hello DJ, i've found a wallet with 15,000 pesos and also an I.D. of Mr.Ronald.

DJ: "you're so honest mister, are you going to return it now?"

Juan: "No, i just want to dedicate him a sad song."THANK YOU
---
korny na...

nauubusan nako ng magandang source ng joke

[vicces]

Lol. Kung kailan matindi ang pangangailangan ng pampatawa...

Ako may joke... Yung stock portfolio ko.  napapatambling ako, sobrang nakakatawa

[mikoangelo]

post mo dito para naman matawa din kami..
--

Boy: miss taga saan ka:
Girl: bakit:
boy: gusto ko lang malaman kung saan ka nakatira, ibig kitang haranahin mamayang gabi...
girl: naku hindi na uso yun....
boy.. ano na uso ngayun:
girl. halika hatid mo ako sa sogo....
--
nanay: walang mangyayare sayo kung puro ka syota?!
anak: weh? bakit kagabi me nangyare?

--

Mom: baby, you're good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.

Baby: sure mom

Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your answer?

Baby: thank you po!!!

--
Teacher: Write a sentence ending with HAND.

Juan: My penis in ur hand!

Teacher slapped juan…

Juan: Sorry I forgot to put space between pen and is…

--
Guro: Totoo bang hindi naninigarilyo, di umiinom. di nagsusugal at di nangchichicks ang papa mo?

Pupil: Opo!

Guro: Wow! Anong sikreto nya?

Pupil: walang pera

--
ANAK: tay, may manok sa kusina. Tinutuka ang bigas mo.
TATAY: paalisin mo!
ANAK: oi, alis ka daw! ayaw umalis eh
TATAY: takutin mo!

ANAK: awoooooo manooook!! May mumu diyan!