When helping others, when is enough, enough?

In a society such as the Philippines that highly values the family, dole-outs to parents and, sometimes, to siblings and relatives, are an accepted — nay, expected — ingredient of the relationship.

Children who are earning are, to a certain point, obligated to provide financial support to parents. In most cases, the handout of financial support continues for the rest of the parents' lives.

If the person eventually found financial comfort ("nakaluwag-luwag na," as we say), the assistance sometimes extends even to siblings or relatives  — uncle, aunt, cousin, niece, nephew, even the malayong kamag-anak, you name it.

The practice has its share of both supporters and critics. On the one hand, a dole-out is viewed as merely "sharing one's blessings" or "paying it forward." On the other, it is seen as a crippling form of aid. 

What then separates the line between being charitable and tolerating mendicancy?

Here are a few opinions from some Pinoy Money Talk members. Add your thoughts in the "Dealing with Dependents" discussion thread.

ekimonk says:

[W]ag mo paasahin sa bigay na pera ang sinumang kamag anak mo, unless disabled sila. Hayaan mong tulungan nila ang sarili nila. 'Ika nga: "Give a man fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man how to fish and you feed him for life."

Ang gawin mo bilhan mo sila ng negosyo na pwede nilang i manage o pwede mo silang magawang empleyado ng negosyo. Tapos yung income nun e mapupunta sa kanila.

acurquia replies:

Sa tulad kong laki sa hirap, mahalaga ang bawat sentimo at ganyan ko pinapahalagahan ang kinikita ko dahil ako lang ang inaasahan sa amin. Ngayong may kakayahan akong tumulong, bakit di ko gawin na pag-aralin ang mga pinsan at pamangkin ko considering nag-invest ako sa kanila para makatulong sila sa magulang nila.

Siyempre habang may iba pa dyan na handang magsikap para umunlad, dapat lagi tayong nandyan para tumulong.

suzette07 says:

Hindi ko sinasabing masamang tumulong, pero depende sa pagtulong. Kailangang isipin natin kung makakabuti ba 'yung tulong natin o tinuturuan lang natin silang dumepende, umasa, maging batugan at minsan maging abusado na rin.

diamond opines:

I understand what others are saying here, which is basically, the better way to help the family is to teach them how to stand on their own. But again, like most other facts of life, it is easier said than done. Accept it or not, mahirap tiisin ang pamilya. Especially, if you are the only one who is privileged enough to finish college and earn more than the average Filipino.

The_Businessman thinks:

Giving till it hurts = Unconditional love

Some call it katangahan, some call it breeding laziness, some call it other names. I admire all of you who were able to rise above from all the sad, bad, terrible experiences that life presented you with.

Got something to add? Join the discussion in the "Dealing with Dependents" thread in the PMT Forum.

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